Being objective or productive in terms of objectivity have never been my strong suits. I have seen and experienced things that have lead me to believe had I been objective, in the sense of Fromm that the situation would have been far worse. Objectivity much like respect is something I give right away, but people can lose quicker then I can manage to notice. Respect to me is a sign of objectivity, only those whose words, lessons and advice Im willing to listen not just hear will get any inclining of my respect let alone my objectivity. By this I don’t mean that we must agree or get along, but we must be civil and able to discuss any issue or problem in terms of authentic want to understand, not just listening with deaf ears.
To talk about a specific example in which I and essentially a stranger had a moment where I had to use objectivity at its fullest, I can clearly remember an instance with my professor. I had gone into his office to discuss a paper I had written, the paper was on graffiti and how it can be used as an escape for urban youth to not fall into the circles of bad habits so many do. Now I personally was raving about my paper until I received my grade of a D. Instead of complaining I went onto his office and decided to speak as two grown adults about what he felt I had done wrong. I was younger at the time and honestly I wanted to bitch and moan about my paper but I mustered up a bit of maturity and did what I thought was the best course of action. As we sat and spoke it was clear he disagreed with my thesis and more importantly my overall approach to the topic. I received the impression that he did not believe that an illegal activity could be used to curb other illegal activities. We argued, we brought up points, but during the course of our conversation something happened, I stopped trying to be this person and became that person. I went from being an angry kid to being an intellectual equal to my professor, for the time being at least. As I noticed how I spoke, how I sat even the points I brought up my professor also started to speak to me as an equal, no longer teacher student, but instead friend to friend (using friend loosely here). This process of being objective to the criticism I was receiving opened me up to being productive at the same time. Had I just took my grade I would not have grown as a writer, thinker and person, being productive within the realm of criticism gave way to being objective of not others only but of myself. Again not something that came natural to me at the time. By having the professor listen to my point and being to hear what I was trying to explain, my respect for him grew, no longer was he the guy who was a difficult grader, but he became someone I respected for allowing himself to learn while trying to teach.
This experience has stayed with me to this day. Even in our class there are moments when I am involved in the conversation at hand and I do not agree with anything being said. Yet now I listen and try to understand the logic not just the words as where before I would have been closed-minded. By listening with an open mind I can become objective about what others are saying. In other words I actually care to listen and understand instead of saying no and going about my business.
When it comes to those I care about, my family, friends and (one day) wife I try to use my objectivity as an extension of my respect for others. If I can’t listen, care and do my best to actually enhance our lives by me being there how can I truly feel that I love, admire or care for them. I see it as a simple process; to love another is to fully want to understand, to listen, to debate, to cherish the moments you spend together and most importantly to respect them as much as you do yourself.
Love is respect, to want to understand the opposite view though it goes against all of your beliefs and may even question what you have come to know. Love is the respect you feel for another as though it were you talking to yourself. As I’ve said before I love me some me.
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